I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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