Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize