Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize