So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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