So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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