What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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