I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize