good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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