Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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