Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize