Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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