wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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