Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize