WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize