you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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