Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize