i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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