she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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