There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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