And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize