Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize