Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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