You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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