I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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