i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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