I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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