im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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