How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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