Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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