Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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