Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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