that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize