Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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