I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize