Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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