I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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