her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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