Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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