This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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