1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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