I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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