I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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