Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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