So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
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Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
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It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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