I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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