So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize