i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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