i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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