Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize