I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize